Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
