After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
