This is not my ceiling
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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