I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
