i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Randomize
