i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
