So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
