I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
