I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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