I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
