In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
