I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Houston, we have a squirter
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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