so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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