I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
