I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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