my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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