Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
