good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
