she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He passed out mid-signature
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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