My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
