I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
