This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
