you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
