i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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