You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
