a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
