Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
