Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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