don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
