I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
