Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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