I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish i was in the wii world.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
