JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
