I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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