So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
