my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
