I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
