if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
