Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
