I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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