I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
