so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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