Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
