Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
