Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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