I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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