I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
