he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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