idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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