I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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