You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
