i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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