So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
