its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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