Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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