Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
