Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
