thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
