I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
