my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Randomize
