Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
