its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
