He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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