Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
