Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
