Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
