I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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