So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
