I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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