She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
