we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
