I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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