Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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