my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
