Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
