I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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