so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
