There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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